On our last day in Portugal, the three of us went to the restaurant where Mila read us something that Steve had on his phone while we were waiting for our food.

It was very funny and a few are spot on like “Eat your vegetables, they are good for you” or “What part of NO don’t you understand” but as Steve is a hands-on dad, there were some that could have easily be Dad-isms too.

Read on and see which ones are very appropriate to your family…

1. A little “birdy” told me!
2. All I do is follow you around, picking up after you like some maid.
3. Am I talking to a brick wall?
4. Are you deaf or something?
5. Are you lying to me?
6. As long as you live under my roof, you’ll do as I say.
7. Beds are NOT made for jumping on.
8. Call me when you get there, just so I know you’re okay.
9. Did you brush your teeth?
10. Do as I say, not as I do.
11. Do you think I’m made of money?
12. Do you think your socks are going to pick themselves up?
13. Don’t go out with a wet head, you’ll catch cold.
14. Don’t make me get up!
15. Don’t run in the house.
16. Don’t sit too close to the television, it’ll ruin your eyes.
17. Don’t talk with your mouth full!
18. Eat your vegetables, they’re good for you.
19. Go play outside! It’s a beautiful day!
20. How do you know you don’t like it if you haven’t tasted it?
21. I didn’t ask who put it there, I said: “Pick it up!”
22. I don’t care what “everyone” is doing. I care what YOU are doing!
23. I hope someday you have children just like you.
24. I just want what’s best for you.
25. I will always love you – no matter what.
26. If you’re too sick to go to school, you’re too sick to play outside.
27. I’m not going to ask you again.
28. I’m not your cleaning lady|waitress|maid!
29. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t trust everyone else.
30. Life isn’t fair.
31. Look at me when I’m talking to you.
32. Money does NOT grow on trees.
33. Nobody asked you.
34. Over my dead body!
35. Pick that up before somebody trips on it and breaks their neck!
36. Put that down! You don’t know where it’s been!
37. Say that again and I’ll wash your mouth out with soap.
38. Shut the door! I’m not heating (air conditioning) the entire neighbourhood!
39. Someone is going to end up crying.
40. This hurts me more than it hurts you.
41. Well, I haven’t figured out how to cook “cold” yet.
42. What did I say the FIRST time?
43. What part of NO don’t you understand?
44. When I was a little girl…
45. When I was your age, I had to walk ten miles through the snow, uphill, by myself, to go to school.
46. When you have your own house then you can make the rules!
47. Where do YOU think you’re going?
48. Who died and left you the boss?
49. Who do you think you’re talking to?
50. You don’t always get what you want. It’s a hard lesson, but you might as well learn it now.
51. You kids are trying to drive me crazy!
52. You’ll understand when you’re older.
53. Always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident.
54. Answer me when I ask you a question!
55. Are you going out dressed like that?
56. Are your hands broken? Pick it up yourself! I’m not your maid!
57. Be good.
58. Bored! How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age.
59. Clean up after yourself!
60. Cupcakes are NOT a breakfast food!
61. Did you clean your room?
62. Did you flush?
63. Do you think this is a hotel?
64. Don’t ask me WHY. The answer is NO.
65. Don’t cross your eyes or they’ll freeze that way.
66. Don’t EVER let me catch you doing that again!
67. Don’t make me come in there!
68. Don’t put that in your mouth, you don’t know where it’s been.
69. Don’t run with a lollipop in your mouth.
70. Don’t you have anything better to do?
71. Go ask your father.
72. Go to your room and think about what you did!
73. How can you have nothing to wear? Your closet is FULL of clothes!
74. How many times do I have to tell you?
75. I can always tell when you’re lying.
76. I can’t believe you did that!
77. I don’t buy snacks to feed the neighbourhood!
78. I don’t care who started it, I said stop!
79. I don’t care who started it, YOU stop it!
80. I don’t know is NOT an answer.
81. I said CLOSE the door, I did not say SLAM it.
82. If I catch you doing that one more time, I’ll…
83. If I want your opinion I’ll ask for it!
84.  If I’ve told you once … I’ve told you a thousand times.
85. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
86. You can’t judge a book by its cover.
87. If you’re too full to finish your dinner, you’re too full for dessert.
88. I’ll treat you like an adult when you start acting like one.
89. I’m going to give you until the count of three…
90. I’m not always going to be around to do these things for you.
91. I’m not your maid!
92. Is your homework finished?
93. It’s no use crying over spilt milk.
94. Look at this room! It looks like a pigsty!
95. Running away? Is that a threat or a promise?
96. Someday your face will freeze like that
97. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
98. Think of those poor starving children in India… (or China, or Africa.)
99. Turn off that light. Do you think we own the electric company?
100. Watch your language!

//Photography: Lauren Marek 

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